30 habits that will make you irresistible
Many people are good at what they do. Some fall into the elite. And only a few are absolutely irresistible.
Author: Benjamin P. Hardy, PhD in Organizational Psychology
The Expendables live in their own world. They do not compete with anyone, only with themselves. You never know what they will do – it's only known that you will have to make a lot of efforts in response. And although they do not even compete with you, they force you to compete with them.
Are you uncontrollable? Read the article and you will be able to answer in the affirmative.
1. Do not hesitate to – know and act
"Do not hesitate. You already know what needs to be done, and you know how to do it. So what stops you? "- Tim Grover.
Instead of analyzing and reflecting, act. Listening to your feelings, with unshakable faith in yourself, do what you consider necessary on an intuitive level. As Oprah said: "Every correct decision I have ever made was dictated by an inner voice. Every wrong step in my life was the result of the fact that I did not listen to the best part of myself. "
At the moment when you start to think, you have already lost. Reflections in the blink of an eye knock you out of the game.
2. Become an expert in your field, and you will have the freedom to act intuitively
"Just as the symbol of yin-yang personifies the center of light and darkness, and the darkness inside the world, creative impulses are based on a technical foundation," Josh Weitzkin said.
Become the best in your business. While everyone else is relaxing, you practice and improve your skills. Teach the left half of the brain all the rules, and the right half of the brain will get unlimited freedom to break the rules and create.
Your active consciousness will cause time to slow down. You will see things under a lot more angles than others. While they are trying to react to the situation, you will have the opportunity to manipulate the situation and change it for yourself.
3. Do not look for motivation in money and the outside world
Own nice things, of course, nice. But for you money, prestige or anything else from the outside world will never be a source of motivation. Drop these things, and nothing will change for you. You will continue to pursue your personal goals and direct all efforts to this. And when money and glory appear, they will not destroy you, as they destroy the lives of most people.
"The desire to close the gap between almost perfect and ideal – that's the difference between the great and the irrepressible," – Tim Grover.
Even reaching the goal, you do not feel satisfaction. For you it was not even a true goal. The real goal is to grow and see how much you can achieve.
Does this make you ungrateful? Absolutely not. You are extremely modest and grateful for everything in your life. That's why you do not know self-complacency or idleness.
Citing Jim Ron, "the best way to enjoy life is to achieve one goal and immediately move on to the next." You can not rest too long on your laurels, reveling in success. The only way to enjoy a new dish is to feel hungry again. "
Unlike most people who are dependent on material wealth or other external factors, you have complete control over what gets into your body, how you spend your time and how long you stay in shock.
Your actions are based on instincts, not impulses. What you can, does not mean that you will do it. And when you do, it's because you want it, and not because you should.
Although 70% of hired workers in the US hate their work and only one in three Americans calls themselves happy, adamant and irresistible people purify their lives of everything that causes negative feelings.
Have self-respect and self-confidence to live by your own rules. When something goes wrong in your life, change it. Without delay.
"Pressure can break pipes, but it can also make diamonds," Robert Horry said.
Most people can cope with a little pressure. But left to their own devices, they reduce pressure and relax.
Not you. You never relax the pressure on yourself. Instead, you are constantly pumping it, and it helps you stay focused and active.
8. Do not be afraid of the consequences of failure
As a rule, people keep closer to the ground, because it's safer. If they suddenly fall, it will not hurt. When you choose to fly at high altitude, the fall can be fatal, but for you it's in the order of things. You will manage, because for you there is no top, no bottom. It's all in your head. If something goes wrong, if you "fall", you make adjustments and continue the flight.
9. Do not compete with others. Make them compete with you
Usually people compete with others. They constantly check what those who are in the zone of visibility (in their "field of competition") are doing. As a result, they imitate and copy what works.
In contrast, you left all the competitions behind. Competition with others does not make any sense to you. It takes you out of your authentic zone. As a result, you are delimited from all external disturbances and focus on creating internal pressure.
Ordinary people are looking for entertainment. Extraordinary personalities strive for development and new knowledge. When you want to be the best in your business, you never stop learning. You do not stop improving and honing your skills and knowledge.
Your unsurpassed preparation is what gives you strength. No one is willing to pay the price that you paid.
11. Success is not enough – it only increases the pressure
Most people need only become "successful." But if you are uncontrollable, success only increases pressure and raises the bar. Immediately after reaching the goal, you focus on a new test.
"Success can be a catalyst for failure," – Greg McKeown.
Most people find it difficult to cope with success, power or privilege. All this destroys them, makes them lazy. Having received the desired, they stop doing things that led them to success. And external interference becomes too intense.
As for you, no external interference in intensity can be compared with internal pressure. The point is not in the current achievement, but in the next, and in the one that will be after it. There is no destination.
13. Take responsibility for all errors
"In order to take maximum responsibility, one must pacify one's ego and act with a high degree of impartiality. Recognize mistakes, take responsibility and develop a plan to overcome obstacles – the inherent qualities of any successful team, "- Dzhoko Villink.
There is no guilt. There are no delusions or illusions. Only a harsh and hard truth. When you make a mistake, accept it. Demonstrate the qualities of the leader, take responsibility for team mistakes. Only with the maximum responsibility you can get absolute freedom and degree of control.
"Well done – well said," – Anthony Lixion.
In the last book of Cal Newport, "Deep Work", the author draws a line between "deep" and "shallow work". Here are the differences:
Talking is shallow water. Anyone can grind the tongue, and it's easy to repeat. The value is small. In contrast, profound work is infrequent. It is performed by people who go into work with their heads while everyone else talks. Such work is too good, and it can not be ignored.
15. Constantly work on psychological stability
"Psychological sustainability, perhaps, is the most important feature of a world-class artist who needs to be constantly brought up. Being left to myself, I always look for ways to become more and more psychologically invulnerable. When something disturbs me, I do not try to instinctively avoid discomfort, but try to make it up with him. My instinct is always to look for difficulties, and not to avoid them, "Josh Weitzkin.
The better you learn to cope with the pressure, the more you will achieve in comparison with all the others. Because they will break under pressure.
The best of all training options is psychological. Wherever your mind goes, the body will follow. Wherever your thoughts go, your life will follow.
16. Confidence is your main asset
You've heard this before: a marathon is not so much a test of the body as a test of the spirit. The ability of a person to run a marathon – or to do something complicated – more reflects the degree of self-confidence than his real capabilities.
Your belief in yourself determines:
- Scale the goals and objectives that you set for yourself.
If you do not have confidence in your abilities, you will never get to the first place. When you are overwhelmed with confidence, you do not think about how many times fail, you are determined to succeed. And it does not matter what your chances of success are.
17. Surround yourself with people who remind you of the future, not the past
When you surround yourself with people who remind you of the past, it is extremely difficult for you to move forward. That's why we get used to certain roles that we can not free ourselves from (for example, a fat boy or a shy girl).
Surrounding yourself with people you want to be like, you start everything from scratch. The past no longer dominates you, there is only the future that you create.
According to the "Pygmalion effect" (the effect of justifying expectations), the expectations of people who surround you largely determine what you can achieve.
18. Let go of the past, but never forget it
The theory is clear: forgiveness improves not only emotional, but also physical health.
To be irresistible, you need to get rid of unnecessary psychological and emotional baggage. It follows that you need to immediately and finally forgive all those who offended you. However, forgiveness is not tantamount to oblivion. And this does not mean that you need to continue to do business with those who were unfair to you.
"Obviously, the result is not good, but short-term goals can be a useful tool for development if they correspond to the global philosophy of personal growth," Josh Weitzkin said.
According to many scientific works on psychology, the most motivating goals are clearly defined and limited in time.
Your goal can be the formation of useful habits (for example, I will write on 500 words per day) or the result you are aiming for.
For most people, behavioral goals are the most effective and motivating option. But if you are so eager to achieve the goal, that the means do not play a special role, your aspirations and efforts should be directed directly at the result you are striving for. However, it is better if the results-dependent goals are short-term, and if they are based on a long-term vision and philosophy. When your "why" has strong arguments, "how" will take care of itself.
20. Respond instantly, do not analyze or stand still
"Who hesitates, loses," – Kato.
The expectation of an event is always more exciting than the event itself – and this applies to both joyous and unpleasant events.
Just do it. Teach yourself to answer without delay, when you feel you need to do something. Stop torturing yourself with questions. Do not analyze. Do not ask yourself, it's from God or from yourself. Simple act.
You will understand what to do when you act. Until you take the first step, everything will be a theory. But as soon as you start, the theory will become a practice.
21. Explain complex things in simple words
"If you can not explain it at a simple level, you do not know this well enough," – Albert Einstein.
It's easy to complicate everything. Most research and professional terms in the scientific and business communities are too complex.
To get to the bottom and understand the truth is difficult, because it is unpretentious. As Leonardo da Vinci said: "Simplicity is the highest degree of sophistication."
Very few people are ready to tell you the truth. When you ask them a question, everything becomes unusually complicated. Usually their answer begins with the words "there are many variables" or "it depends".
Thomas Stearns Eliot formulated this best of all: "Where is the wisdom that we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge lost in the flow of information? "Wisdom is eternal and simple. Seek wisdom and choose it.
22. Never envy someone else's achievements
To be irresistible means to sincerely wish for the best for everyone – even for those whom you consider your rivals. Envy and jealousy are manifestations of selfishness, which is controlled by fear.
Why are you enjoying the success of other people? Because their success does not threaten you.
You completely control your life. And you are different from other people. No one can do exactly what you do. You have your own super power with your own unique ability to make sacrifices and add your own. And that's exactly what you will do.
"If my failure is stronger than yours, I won", – Seth Godin.
You fail in every unused opportunity. And most people do not want to use them. Fear of failure paralyzes them.
The only way to become irresistible is to stop thinking about it. Just take advantage of the chance. Not when it's convenient, or when the stars are well located, or when you feel ready. Just take the first step, and already after the fact make the necessary adjustments.
24. Do not focus on the fruits of your success. Always stay focused on what brought these fruits: work
When your efforts become effective and begin to produce results, return can become a distraction. Great is the temptation to "saddle the wave" of the work done before. Continue practicing. Improve your skills. Never forget what led you here.
25. Think and act on a tenfold scale
"When your measuring scale is increased by 10 times, you instantly see how to surpass what everyone else is doing," – Dan Sullivan.
Most people – even those who in your opinion refers to the "world level" – do not operate with a tenfold scale. Honestly, you can surpass anyone, if you radically change the way of thinking, orientation and belief in yourself.
Switching to a tenfold scale changes everything. As Dan Sullivan says: "Tenfold thinking automatically takes you out of the paradigm of existing barriers and limitations." This raises you over the problems that most people solve, and opens up absolutely new horizons for you.
When you take your goal to earn 100 000 dollars for the year, and raise the bar to 1 million, you will be forced to operate in completely different categories. The logical and traditional approach does not work for a tenfold scale. As the author writes, "Smartcuts: how hackers, innovators and celebrities accelerate success," Shane Snow: "The tenfold scale of progress is built on courage and creativity. Be smart ".
The question is: are you ready for this? Do not just entertain yourself with ideas for a couple of seconds, and then return to the usual way of thinking. No. Are you ready to accept the tenfold rules? Are you ready to criticize your way of thinking, open up to a new and believe in absolutely new horizons of opportunities?
Can you convince yourself that you have a tenfold potential? Are you ready to set goals that seem insane not only to you, but to everyone else? Are you ready to make a mental leap and believe that "the universe will help to make this happen"?
26. Set goals that exceed your current capabilities
"You need to strive for things that go beyond your capabilities. You need to educate yourself completely ignoring the boundaries of your possibilities. If you think that you can not work in the best company in a certain field, make it your goal. If you think you can not get on the cover of the TIME magazine, put the task to be there. Create a vision of where you want to be really. Nothing is impossible, "Paul Arden said.
If your goals are based on logic, they will not make you create good luck. To be irresistible means that your goals require you to become something greater than you are today. As Jim Ron said: "Do not wish it was easier; desire to become better. "
27. Allocate time for rest and recreation
"Wherever you are, make sure that you are there," – Dan Sullivan.
When you focus on the result, not on being permanent, you are laid out at 100% during working hours and at 100% relax in moments of rest. This not only allows you to be where you are at the moment, but also gives the necessary time for rest and recovery.
Your ability to work with high productivity is like fitness. If you never pause between approaches, you do not develop strength, endurance and endurance. However, not all types of "rest" can be restored. Certain things relax better than others.
Rest from my work usually includes writing articles for my magazine, listening to music, spending time with my wife and children, preparing and receiving delicious food or helping others. These things restore my strength. They make my work possible and fill it with meaning.
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best moment is now, "the Chinese proverb.
Most people are waiting. They believe that it will be possible to start when they have enough time, money, connections and professional skills. They wait, while they feel "protected". It does not apply to the uncontrollable.
The uncontrollable people started a year ago. They started five years ago, even before they realized what they were doing. They started before they had money. They started before they got all the answers. They started when no one believed in them. The only solution that they needed was an inner voice urging them to move forward. And they went ahead.
29. If you need permission, you will not do this
My mentor is a very successful real estate investor. Throughout his career, thousands of people have asked him if they are worth "doing real estate."
He answered each one the same thing: it's not worth it. In fact, he only tried to dissuade them, and in most cases he succeeded.
Why did he do this? "Those who could succeed, acted as they thought necessary, and they did not listen to me," he told me.
I know many people who are trying to do what has brought results to others. They never made informed decisions about what to do, and it ended up throwing from one case to another in an attempt to attack a gold mine. Eventually they stopped digging, being a few centimeters from the gold-bearing layer, and called the site fruitless.
No one will ever give you permission to follow your dream.
Zig Ziglar told a story about how once on a business trip he went to bed only at 4 in the morning. An hour and a half later (in 5: 30) the alarm clock rang. He said: "With all the fibers of my soul I wanted to stay in bed." But he had an appointment, so he had to get up. In the end, he had a terrible day, he was completely unproductive.
And yet, according to him, this decision changed his life. As he explains: "If I succumbed to my human, physiological, emotional and psychological desire to sleep, I would make an exception. A week later I would make an exception, because I managed to sleep only 4 hours. A week later, the cause would be 7 hours of sleep. Repeated exceptions become the rule. Wake up then, I would be in the face of danger. Be vigilant about these exceptions! "
Since that moment Zig has been irresistible.
"From this second your strategy is to make others match your level, and not lower the bar. Once again, you are not competing with anyone. They will be compelled to compete with you. Henceforth, the final result is the only thing that matters ", – Tim Grover.
When you are irresistible, you will certainly achieve what you aspire to. All you need to know, you already know. All you need to do is to believe in yourself and start acting!
Excellent article, thank you!
like read a lot of letters, but the meaning in them a little .